You pick your child up from childcare and everything seems fine.
They have had a good day. They have played with friends, eaten well, joined in with activities and perhaps even happily waved goodbye to their educators.
Then you get home.
Suddenly the wrong coloured cup is a disaster. Shoes cannot possibly come off. Dinner is unacceptable. A sibling looks at them the wrong way and everything falls apart.
Sound familiar?
For many families, those big emotions at the end of the day are very normal.
Why does it happen?
A day at childcare can be wonderful, but it is also a big day for a young child.
They are constantly taking in information, navigating friendships, following routines, sharing spaces and toys, listening to educators, trying new things and managing lots of little emotions along the way.
Young children are also still developing the skills they need to understand and regulate strong emotions. Things like tiredness, hunger, overstimulation and changes in routine can make this even harder.
By the time they get home, their emotional tank can simply be running low.
And home is often the place where children feel comfortable enough to release everything they have been holding together.
That does not necessarily mean they have had a bad day.
Sometimes it simply means they have had a big day.
So what can parents do?
1. Keep the first part of the evening simple
The period immediately after childcare might not be the best time for lots of questions, errands or expectations.
Some children need a little time to decompress.
That might mean a cuddle on the couch, some quiet play, sitting outside together or simply having a few minutes where nobody is asking them to do anything.
2. Think food before behaviour
Sometimes the enormous emotional response to something tiny has a very straightforward contributor.
They are hungry.
Young children can find it harder to regulate their emotions when they are tired or hungry.
Having a simple snack ready for the trip home can sometimes make the transition into the evening noticeably easier.
3. Resist the urge to interrogate the day
We naturally want to know everything.
“What did you do today?”
“What did you eat?”
“Who did you play with?”
“Did you have fun?”
But after spending all day communicating and processing information, some children simply do not want another conversation just yet.
Instead, give them some space.
You might find that the stories about their day appear naturally later during dinner, bath time or while you are putting them to bed.
4. Connect before correcting
When a child is already overwhelmed, lengthy explanations or trying to reason with them often will not achieve much.
Young children frequently need help from a calm adult before they can settle and manage strong feelings themselves.
Sometimes the first response can simply be:
“I can see you have had a really big day.”
A cuddle, sitting nearby or moving somewhere quieter may be more useful in that moment than immediately trying to solve the behaviour.
There will still be boundaries. The difference is helping your child become calm enough to hear them.
5. Create a predictable homecoming routine
Children often respond well when they know what is coming next.
Your routine does not need to be complicated.
It might simply be:
Home.
Snack.
Quiet play.
Dinner.
Bath.
Books.
Bed.
A predictable rhythm can remove some of the decisions and transitions that children need to manage when they are already tired.
6. Talk to your child’s educators
If afternoons or evenings are consistently difficult, have a chat with your child’s educators.
Ask how they have been sleeping.
How much they have eaten.
Whether they have seemed more tired than usual.
Whether something changed during the day.
It does not have to mean something is wrong. Sometimes one small piece of information helps explain what you are seeing at home.
At North Star, we believe that communication between educators and families is an important part of understanding the whole child.
What happens at childcare can influence home, and what is happening at home can influence their day with us.
The more we understand each other, the better we can support them.
Remember: a meltdown does not erase a great day
One of the easiest traps is seeing an exhausted, emotional child at 5.30pm and assuming something must have gone wrong.
Often, that is not the case at all.
Your child may have spent the day learning, exploring, negotiating, laughing, concentrating and practising an enormous number of developing skills.
By the evening, they may simply have reached their limit.
So when the wrong cup causes an emotional catastrophe tonight, sometimes the best response is not:
“What on earth is wrong?”
It might simply be:
“You have had a big day. Come here.”
And tomorrow, they get to start again.
